Our freezer had been getting progressively frostier and frostier, ice forming on the top, ice on all the food. I had wanted to defrost, but was waiting for the guests to leave, so as to have less food to worry about. (I was procrastinating) I never had defrosted a fridge before, so this was all new to me.
We had scrambled eggs for dinner the night before just to get rid of extra food. Then I emptied everything that remained out. Todd pulled the freezer drain and pulled the fridge out. He said it looked like, (oh shoot, I can't remember what he said, was it planet hoth from the Empire Strikes Back?) Anyway, it looked like a planet covered in ice. We put a pan of hot water inside the freezer to let it cool more quickly. After finishing breakfast I sat to take care of some things before my parents visit in a couple of weeks. The kids magically were playing so quietly and beautifully, I was able to get everything I needed to done.
Then I come into the kitchen...
All of our hand towels are on the floor in a big pile, including an apron my friends gave me at a bridal shower, that I don't ever wear and I don't know why I moved it to the UK. Anyway, thats in the pile, and a rubber glove. "What's all this?" I ask. "Well we needed it." My boys reply.
They had been floating various toys in the bowl beneath the freezer drain plug. Lego men, Buzz Lightyear, Diego, a key chain with a shoe with the flag from Hungary on it, a helicopter. Then they put all their toys in the various compartments on the door. "This is our store, come and buy something!"
Next thing I notice, Tim has taken a very large towel and put it in the very cold water...he's washing Ethan's back with it. (Did I forget to mention they had taken off their shirts and trousers..."We feel wild." was their reply I got when I asked why they had done this.) "Oooh that water feels good!"
Anyway, the freezer is defrosted, finally everything is wiped down and put away. I washed all the towels and hung them out to dry, which was a bit of a risk, but the weather had said--light rain. Later I am taking a nap with Timothy, and Ethan is watching the neighbors burn garden waste from the up-up stairs window, he comes rushing down. "Mom, its raining, the towels!" (so sweet that he's even concerned about them!) I open my eyes and see the very very heavy rain coming down, Oh well, it will be alright. The sun came out later and dried the towels, and tomorrow the Tesco man will bring me a refrigerator full of food!

Oh the things they say...

Here are some things my kids have said recently...of course I was thinking of more, but now that I go to write them down I can't remember them all.

Ethan, "Its something of my business." "Knock knock." (who's there?) "banana." (banana who?) "knock knock" (who's there?) "banana" (banana who?) this continues about 10 times, then "knock knock" (who's there?) "Apple" (apple who?) "apple aren't you glad I didn't say banana?"

Timothy, "Look, hairplane!" "Lets watch oovie, okay?" "Its not spaghetti, its snake pasta." "Poppa, my miss (meaning kiss) you!"
"My God is so big, so strong, so my team, there's nothing I dare not do."

(While playing with animals at the holiday club, another boy comes and stomps with his lion on Tim's animals. Tim says, "Give me space." Boy keeps stomping. Tim takes his animals and moves to otherside. Boy follows. "Give me space." Boy stomps on his animals. Tim moves back to the former side. Boy comes back and stomps. Tim's face turns bright red and the veins bulge out the side of his neck, "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

Indelible Grace Music - O Love That Will Not Let Me Go lyrics

In singing my two boys to sleep last night, this song came to mind. My dear friend Emily sang this at our wedding, and the lyrics touch so deeply. The song still moves my heart and reminds me of the love of God. My pastor from our church in St. Louis said you are either going into a suffering time, going through one, or coming out of one. I don't know where you are right now, but we are in the midst of one. It is good to be reminded of "the joy that seekest me through pain." And of course, the promise is not in vain, there is a morn that shall tearless be. (You may not be into the folk-country style guitar, but the last verse is worth listening through it!)

Thankfulness, Day 29 To Corey..

I am thankful that God is with us in dark places. I am thankful for Corey. If you feel up for a cry, please read on...what I wrote for Corey back in August. If you are someone close to me who thinks I should have told you this in person, please forgive me for not telling you this in person, some things are easier for me to write.

I first knew you were there when I could open the upstairs windows at night and smell roses and lavender as though they were close enough to touch. You woke me up to use the toilet every 2 hours and I remembered how well that prepares me for the months ahead. Though usually a bustle of energy, with you needing to grow all I could do was sleep and sleep! You made me feel nauseaus and I didn't want to eat my favorite foods anymore, but I loved the fresh vegetables, the homemade broth, even the liver that I ate every week for you to grow strong. Then when we took the test to know for certain you were there...one drop...a blue line, another blue line. "Praise God" I said, and looked out the bathroom window on the garden below and smiled. I gave your poppa our willow tree "cherish" (a figurine of a woman about 7 months pregnant) and a pair of booties that Grammie had bought in England for Ethan. He was so delighted, I was so delighted. You continued to make me nauseaus and too dizzy and uncomfortable to ride the bus through the summer. So we stayed home and I read many stories to the children, thinking that you might enjoy listening too. When I sang songs to your brothers as they were falling asleep, I hoped you could hear them too and be surrounded by love as you grew. I thought about your pinpoint eyes that formed at 6 weeks, and your nubs for fingers and toes. Just 4 days ago I thought of how you have tiny feet, smaller than the tip of my pinky finger. I don't know if you ever did have those feet, just 3 days ago I awoke to small blood stains. I saw the doctor, and an exam said everything was fine. I was going to have a scan the next day, and then we would see you. 2 hours before my appointment, a huge clot of blood dropped in the toilet. Tears, tears, tears. This is it, I knew, you had gone on. I look out the window at our garden that is showing signs of the long hot summer. The warning signs got more urgent and more frequent. Going to A&E, (accident and emergency), a friend comes to drive me, another stays with the boys who are crying as I leave. At the hospital...I am having a miscarriage. They hand me a red slip and I check in. I never had a red slip before, but in England, you still have to wait the queue and answer the questions that you can't understand through the plastic window and the various accents. Various nurses and questions. I am led back to a room with 3 other people. After the urgency is dealt with, finally a nurse cares for my dignity. I find out later she is 10 weeks pregnant. I look for something beautiful in the room. Its full of signs and supplies and medical equipment. Poppa arrives. The doctor comes to examine me, she is moving to the states next week. The neck of the womb is open, she says. I knew, but it still brings even more tears to this day full of tears. She leaves to get a gynecologist, and they turn my bed so its facing the wall. I look up at the window that is opaque. I can see the beatiful light that comes even through clouds, even through opaque glass. How much more beautiful is that light than the harsh flourescent light. I sing the song I sang to the boys and you just last night, though I don't know if you were already gone then..."When peace like a river, attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll, whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, "Even so, it is well with my soul".

"Todd," I say, "Todd, do you know, our baby is with Jesus now? It must be so happy. It must be so peaceful..." And yet, that night after an operation to remove the tissue, many more exams, and needle pricks and starvation and being in a room with 6 other ailing women trying to sleep I pray, "Jesus, I know you are holding our baby, would you let me know you are holding me that way too...and lift me from this awful place, and give me rest for the night."

We are naming you Corey, either for a boy or a girl. Though I don't know which you were, your Maker does. There are many Corey's or Corrie's as such in this world, but you are named in memory of Corrie Ten Boom.
I wrote this on August 5, 2010. We miscarried Corey on August 4.
I am thankful that God answered that prayer, and he did lift me up, and I am thankful, so thankful for those 10 weeks to be Corey's momma.